Daily, infant loss, Joshua, Madeline, Parenting After Loss

Missing

I’m struggling to get out of bed today. This is the day I spend 364 days a year dreading. I would much rather stay in bed and skip over this day. The memories that too easily come and play on repeat. There are some images that a mother and father just shouldn’t have in their heads. Today is a day that is impossible to turn them off. The nightmare that never ends. I miss him. We miss him. It hurts. Today more than ever… 2/20/2013 – 2/22/2013 – 36 hours was not enough.

 

 

And then there is this…

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Madeline really does know how to fill our broken hearts with joy. Four years ago I watched my husband hold our son and my heart broke as it was for the first and last time all at once. Every time I watch him with our daughter I am overwhelmed with love for him, for her, and just for the opportunity to watch them together. I love how they love each other.

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Daily, infant loss, Joshua, Letters to Josh

Four

Four. Today you should be turning 4. There should be balloons and cake and presents and a trip to one of your favorite places. I wonder what that would be… There should be lots of giggles and hugs and sweet birthday wishes for our getting so big too fast birthday boy. Instead I’m here, just missing you like every other day. Wishing I could give you the biggest birthday hug and tell you how much I love you and that no matter how big you are getting you will always be my baby while I cover your sweet face in kisses that I’m sure you would do your best to wiggle away from. Someday, just know we will have a lifetime of hugs and kisses to makeup. I love you, my sweet boy. I miss you. Happy 4th Birthday!

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Daily, Holidays, Madeline

How Sweet it Is

I was surprised at work with these gorgeous, red, long-stemmed roses.  I think he likes me.  ;)

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Then he surprised our little sweetheart with some flowers of her own.  She was so excited.  I had told her that daddy sent me flowers at work and showed her a picture of them and she said, “that is so nice.”  She could not stop giving daddy hugs after he gave her flowers when he came home from work.

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Madeline was also pretty excited to get matching socks with mommy.  She is big into matching mom these days, so to have something that really matched was just the best thing ever.

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I made some chocolate covered strawberries and we had our little family gift exchange before everyone went to work and school for the day.  I love our family.

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