Baby Loss, Daily, Joshua, Letters to Josh, Monthly Letters

Two Years

Dear Sweet Joshua,

Today you would be 2 years old.

I want nothing more than to be planning a birthday party. Probably TMNT themed thanks to your dad’s influence. I want to bake you a cake and watch you blow out the candles.

I want to spoil you with presents and shower you with kisses as you giggle and try to wiggle out of my arms.

I want to hug you tight and tell you the story of how you were born.

I want to watch you play with trucks and cars and pretend that you are Batman here to save us all.

I want to tell you how much I love you and hear your sweet voice say that you love me too.

My sweet angel boy, I want you to know how proud I am of you. Maybe that seems silly to say, but I am. I proud of you. You, in your short 36 hours on earth, touched so many lives. Your footprint may have been tiny and your life far too short, but your impact was huge. Your life mattered and I will make sure that it continues to matter so long as I am breathing.

My child, my son, I love you. I know these days it seems like I am so busy with your little sister, but there has yet to be a day or a moment where I am not thinking of you.

Sometimes I think she sees you. She will stare and babble and giggle at nothing for several minutes. I like to think it’s you coming to play with her. I do pray that it’s you she is seeing. I will make sure she knows all about you, dear boy. You are, after all, her big brother and that is a very important person for her to know.

This last year has been harder than the first without you. This year we watched your little sister grow and play and smile and say mama and dada all of the things we wish more than anything we could have watched you do too. Madeline has made losing you feel even more real.

Sometimes I dress her in onesies and jammies that we had bought for you. I hope you don’t mind.

I love you. I love you. I love you, sweet baby. I miss you so very much. My soul aches and longs to hold you in my arms and cuddle you close.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Joshua Patrick.

Have your Great Grandma Jones bake you a cake today. I bet the birthday parties in Heaven are amazing.

Love you always and forever,

Momma

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3 thoughts on “Two Years”

  1. XO I guess it’s good to know that their memory is never far away even after we grow our families… I am only 2 months out from my loss. I’m desperate to start trying, but giving myself needed time also. Thinking of you.

    Like

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