Daily, Letters to Maddy, Madeline, Parenting After Loss

Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up

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Your little hand’s wrapped around my finger

And it’s so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you’re dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything’s funny, you got nothing to regret
I’d give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

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Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don’t you ever grow up
Don’t you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won’t let nobody hurt you, won’t let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

– Taylor Swift – Never Grow Up

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Oh, my darling Madeline,

Tonight as I sat holding you in my arms, your hand wrapped tightly around my finger, you took my breath away.  You are so small and so perfect.  I want to remember these moments. I want to always remember your chubby little feet, your long lashes, the curl of your mouth as you sleep. Some may think I take too many photos, and maybe I do, but it’s only because I want to cherish each moment and remember each detail. You have already changed so much, and I am so thankful that I am able to document it all.

I want to remember how your tiny hand feels wrapped around my finger.  I don’t want to forget the way you curl yourself into my chest – hearing the familiar heartbeat that lulled you to sleep for nine months in my belly. I want to always remember the way your big blue eyes stare up at me as you fighting hard to not drift off to sleep.

You, my sweet baby, mean the absolute world to me, and there is not a day that goes by that I am not just so grateful that I get to be your momma.

I will do my best to always protect you and keep you safe. But I know that someday you will grow up, and your heart will probably get broken by some boy who doesn’t understand just how wonderful you are or by friends that don’t want to play fair, and while I know that I can’t prevent every skinned knee and broken heart I will do my best to always be there with a band aide and hug (and maybe some ice cream).

I love you, baby girl.

Love Always,

Momma

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