Daily

Nervous

Getting more and more nervous as our scheduled c-section day approaches.  Only 15 days left to go and only 2 more doctor’s appointments to get through.  

So far this pregnancy has been so much easier and just all together different that my pregnancy with Joshua.  Considering we are now 36 weeks along and still have no signs of pre-eclampsia, I feel very blessed.  I think that everyday since we passed 29 weeks (when Josh was born and passed) I have felt this awful combination of gratefulness and just complete guilt.  

Like clearly my body can handle this and I know that the outcome is going to be very different this time, but I just fee so guilty that I couldn’t do the same for Josh.  I would give anything to have been able to keep him safe for just a few more days or weeks.  I would give anything to have been able to give him a better chance of surviving.  

I’m beyond disappointed that his little sister will never get to meet him on this side of Heaven.  

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