Daily

Overwhelmed

I think that pretty much sums up how I’m feeling these days.

I’m overwhelmed by how much baby stuff we have suddenly accumulated and how adorable it all is. We are planning on cloth diapering, so heck, even her diapers are cute!

I’m overwhelmed by how prepared we are and yet how unprepared I feel 90% of the time. I’m sure instincts will kick in and all will be well, but still right now, I’m overwhelmed by how much there is to do and remember.

I’m overwhelmed by how much different information there is out there. Vaccines, disposable vs. cloth diapers, breast vs. bottle, room sharing vs. crib, baby wearing, a million little choices that, depending on which article you read, could apparently scar your child for life emotionally or something.

I’m overwhelmed at how fast these past 35 weeks have gone by.

I’m overwhelmed that we are now 6 weeks further along than we were when Josh was delivered.

I’m overwhelmed that this little girl is already estimated to weigh 6 pounds, almost 2.5 times what Josh weighed at birth.

I’m overwhelmed with joy knowing that this time is going to be different.

I’m overwhelmed with sadness knowing that this time had to be different.

I’m overwhelmed with anticipation to hold our daughter in my arms and bring her home, safe and sound.

I’m overwhelmed with disappointment that her big brother won’t be there to meet her.

As we are entering these final three weeks before we meet our little girl, I am so overwhelmed by every conflicting emotion. The journey through a rainbow pregnancy (pregnancy after loss) is an incredibly emotional roller coaster of highs and lows. Passing each milestone brings tremendous joy but also bitter grief. Having a heart that is constantly torn between your two children is exhausting. It is a delicate and precious dance that you must learn – how to parent the living and the dead.

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