Daily

Dear Joshua

My dear sweet Joshua Patrick,

Mommy is so sorry that she was not able to give you a better chance at life.  Your daddy and I were so very excited for your arrival.  We love you more than you will ever have the chance to know.  The dreams we had for you were big.  We wanted nothing more than to give you the whole world and my heart is so broken knowing that I will never see your perfect little face again.

From the moment we found out that we were expecting you we could not contain our joy.  We love you so very much.  Please know that while your time here on this earth was far too short, you will continue to live on forever in our hearts.  You, my dear boy, will always be my son.  And our hearts ache and grieve so much for you.  We feel as though a part of us has died too.  We will never ever forget you.  You were such a beautiful baby boy.

We spent seven months watching you grow on ultrasounds, listing to your heartbeat so perfect.  The little kicks and movements we could feel brought a new sense of joy and anticipation everyday.  Our joy was shared by so may of our friends and family.  You were one incredibly loved young man even before you were born.

The day you were born was one of the scariest days of my life.  I knew you were so little and I was so scared that you were not ready.  After you were born, your daddy stayed with you.  The doctors all said how strong you were.  Our little fighter.  We were so very proud.  At last we were mom and dad.  We had our son.  The relief we felt as the doctors told us how strong you were.  We knew we were in for a long haul, but we were so ready to care for you and love you with all that we had.

Thursday afternoon they finally let me meet you.  I was able to touch your sweet head and your daddy let you hold his finger as he rest his hand on your little legs.  Those little legs that had been kicking inside me for so long.  You were so tiny, but so unbelievably perfect.  We watched as they gave you a taste of the milk I had pumped for you.  Your eyes lit up and your tongue went wild.  It was so amazing to see your reactions to us.  When we spoke to you, you opened your beautiful dark brown eyes and looked straight at us.  You recognized your mommy and daddy’s voices.  Oh, how filled with joy you made our hearts.

Mommy and daddy would give anything to be able to have you in our arms.  Our hearts will always have a hole in a shape only you can fill.  We pray that you are at peace.  That your tiny body will not have to suffer the many pains of this world.

Instead you just wait for us in Heaven, dear son, for we take comfort knowing that while this life on earth is short, eternity is long and we are so comforted to know that one day we will have all of eternity to love on you and to be your mom and dad.  You have a lot of great-grandparents, and other family and friends up there with you.  And it brings joy to my heart to know you are not alone.

Dear Joshua, please watch over us and your future brothers or sisters.  We pray that as time begins to heal this deep ache that we will be able to feel your presence with us. We will always love you, and we will carry you with us always.

You are our first born.

You are our son.

And you are immensely loved and intensely missed and always will be.

Rest easy my dear one.

Love Forever and For Always,

Mommy and Daddy

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4 thoughts on “Dear Joshua”

  1. This is beautiful, just like Joshua. My heart aches with yours as we miss our babies. I’m sure they are friends in Heaven, smiling down on us. Lots of love to you, friend.

    Like

  2. I agree, so beautiful and so sad. Thanks for sharing on Linky Love Letters. Please feel free to do so in the future.

    Lindsey Henke

    Like

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