Today is the day. May 3rd, 2013.
Back at the end of August last year I had this day pictured so differently when I excitedly added an event to our calendar.
In my mind I pictured a beautiful day. It would be warm and the sun would be shining brightly. I imagined calling Patrick to come home from work, excitedly saying, “it’s time.” I pictured us quickly grabbing cameras and our bags as we called our parents and my sisters and his brother to tell them they were about to be grandparents, aunts and uncles. I planned on seeing the excited nervous anticipation on Patrick’s face as we took one last look around our house knowing this was the last time we would be there as a family of just two. I imagined Patrick carefully and yet quickly driving to the hospital as I breathed through contractions. I expected to see the flurry of activity when we got to the hospital as nurses and doctors prepared to deliver our first born.
I was excited to see the look on Patrick’s face as he met our baby for the first time. I was expecting to have the nurses lay a sweet little baby on my chest as I cried seeing the perfect little person that Patrick and I had created out of so much love. I pictured what the baby would look like. Maybe having Patrick’s eyes and my nose. I would kiss their sweet little head and count fingers and toes.
This day looked so different back on August 25th.
Instead, May 3rd, 2013 is cold. There is snow on our cars, covering the flowers in our yard, and covering the ground where our son is buried.
This is not how I pictured this day at all…