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A Dad’s Grief

I take no credit for the poem below.  I just read it on Still Standing Magazine and thought it was both sad and beautiful.  I’m so sad for my sweet husband.  He wanted so bad to be a daddy and to have a baby to hold, to love, to care for.  It breaks my heart knowing that all of those months of excitement and anticipation have left him empty and broken.   As a wife I feel like I have let him down.  I also know that he would tell me I was crazy for thinking that.  But it still remains.  I feel like the greatest gift I could ever give him was to make him a father and give him a son.  I know he’s still a dad, but trust me being the parents of a child you will never get to hold really doesn’t make you feel like a parent.  I long for the day somewhere in the future where I can watch Patrick hold our baby in his arms and weep with joy and not pain.  I love you, my darling husband and I pray that together we can mend our broken hearts and find that peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7).

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My Daddy’s Grief – by JP Vinson

If you ask my Dad how he feels?

He’ll probably be as quiet as the midnight air

Because of this horrible pain he tries to bare

And if you ask him and he just quietly sighs

Look harder, you’ll see the pain in his eyes

Even if he does happen to tell you he’s coping

Then that just surely means… He is hoping?

If he happens to mutter out, I’m surviving today

Oh then trust me, you know he is really not Ok

He has been so very quiet since that awful day

It’s just so hard for him to find the words to say

He really thinks he has to be stronger than steel

But he is just very fragile, suffering this ordeal

He feels like he has to hide away all those tears

Just suck it all in, and show no one of his fears

I’m his child in heaven, and he’s hurting oh so bad

He gets up and goes everyday, even though he’s sad

He watches my mommy cry and holds her oh so tight

He always tears up, but holds back with all of his might

If you ask, how are you today, and he says oh I’m just fine

He’s really not; he needs a hug, that definitely a sure sign

His heart is burdened with such terrible doubts often everyday

Please let him know, he didn’t let me down or fail in any way

I know He loves me very much and thinks of me each day

But his poor heart is so broken, so please help him find a way

To find peace, comfort and a voice to shed his grief and pain

For without it, he cannot start to heal and lighten grief’s stain

Also tell him its ok to lose it, break down and shed those tears

Cause it takes more strength to cry, then to hold back the fears

I love you daddy, I’m always here with you, we’re never far apart

So for me, could you being to heal open back up your heart

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