Follow me over to www.lifewithmadeline.com
Follow me over to www.lifewithmadeline.com
Madeline and I have been cooking dinner together every night for the past couple of weeks. She has really gotten in to it. So much so that if I forget and start making dinner without her she starts crying.
She has made the chore of cooking dinner every night after work something that I genuinely look forward to each day.
I am really enjoying having my new little helper in the kitchen.
Mother’s Day is hard. Even with my sweet, little, beautiful Madeline, it is STILL hard. I look at her and I know that I am blessed.
I know that I am lucky because there are so many that are still longing with aching hearts and empty arms to hear the words “momma, I love you” and for that I know that I am blessed. And even still my heart aches and my soul longs to hear those words come from another little voice too.
My arms, no matter how full of hugs from my sweet girl, will always still ache at the inability to hold her big brother. I feel the weight of her body as she cuddles in each night still wanting to be held before falling asleep (don’t say she is spoiled – you can’t possibly understand the reasons we do what we do) and I feel the weight of so much more than just her tiny 26 pounds. I feel joy and grief dancing their every present tango inside my heart.
I miss him.
Often it is that simple and that complicated all at once. I just miss him. I long to be with him as much as I am with her and that is simply an impossibility this side of Heaven.
These holidays are such aching reminders of what was, what is, and what could have been. They bring up wounds that never heal. They make me cry tears that never really dry. They leave my heart feeling vulnerable and wounded.
I know I am not the only one. That makes me sad too. As much as my heart aches for my Joshua, my heart aches for your child too.
My heart aches for the ones that are still tearfully and prayerfully waiting for a positive result on a test that you take month after month just hoping that the odds will be in your favor this time. My heart aches for those who have seen those tests turn positive only to have your heart break weeks or months later. My heart aches for the ones who have watched the ultrasound machine anxiously as the doctor searched for a sign of hope. My heart aches for those who, like us, have held your tiny child in your arms as they took their final breath. My heart aches for those of you who have had to say goodbye at any point, at any age, for we all know that 15 minutes, 36 hours, 15 years, 36 years, none of it is enough time with our children. My heart aches for the moms (and dads) I know that right now are watching their little ones fight battles that are far bigger than they should have to fight. This motherhood gig is not for the faint of heart.
So today while my heart somehow feels both full and broken, I am still grateful. Grateful to the little boy who made me a mother. I miss you more than words could ever express and I love you to Heaven and back. And to the little girl who made me a momma, I love you. Thank you for helping to heal your broken momma’s heart.
Madeline just started talking about her brother.
She said, “My brother is happy. My brother says he loves you. My brother loves my mom and everybody. My brother loves me. My brother loves Batman. My brother is really getting big. My brother plays with me all the time.”
I have no idea what brought on this unsolicited conversation, but I’m crying now.
Making sure Minnie stays hydrated.
Monday mornings are hard.
My little mini sitting in my old rocking chair playing with the same little bear and bunny family that I used to play with when I was her age.
Her shirt says, “when it rains, I see rainbows.” 🌈#wehaveathingforrainbows #rainbowbaby
Got our Sonic treat on the way home from school.
Three years of giggles, some tears (hers and ours too), lots of hugs, kisses, and plenty of cuddles, a few sleepless nights, lots of lullabyes and Disney sing-a-longs, more princesses than daddy ever thought he could count, lots of game nights, movies, zoo trips, living room dance parties, and countless weekend adventures, and more joy than we could have ever dreamed of. To say this little girl is loved is an understatement. She is loved beyond measure. She is loved beyond words. She is loved all the way to the moon and back times infinity. She is our rainbow, our love, our joy, our giggle, our wonderful, sweet, little Madeline. May three be filled with as much joy and adventure as two. We adore you, baby girl!
I know that the saying is “terrible twos,” but honestly two was pretty terrific with you. To watch you grow and learn this year has been such an amazing and wonderful adventure. I will admit that you have had your fair share of temper tantrums and you have even sat in timeout a time or two (or twenty), but overall two was pretty great.
While two you have mastered potty training. You started dance class this year and you are doing so well. You can almost write your name (Maddy) by yourself You can draw circles. You can draw stick people with lots of details. You can copy most letters, numbers, and shapes fairly well. You know your ABCs. You can count to at least 17 sometimes higher on your own. You are starting to recognize letters and numbers by sight. You know all of your colors, shapes, and animals (and sounds). You can run, jump, skip, and of course dance. You follow complex directions. You are getting much better with scissors. You love to do arts and crafts. You know the words to lots of songs and love to perform for us. You love to play board games (and are really good too). You are still a really picky eater that often chooses to skip dinner (you’ll eat when you’re hungry has become my motto). You love Disney princesses, Shopkins, and Barbies. You still take good care of your baby dolls, and love to play doctor and dress up. You love to go to the zoo, Paradise Park, Sky Zone (the jumping place), the park, Target (lol), and anywhere that’s fun. You love to watch the Royals play baseball and cheer for Salvy.
We switched daycares this year and put you in a preschool that is much closer to my office and is much more preschool curriculum based than free-play. It has been crazy to see how well you have flourished in your new preschool. You adore your new teachers and have made so many new friends and they all love you too. It was not a decision we took lightly or one that was easy for us to make, but it has honestly been the best thing for you. I am so grateful to know that you love your new school and it has made the drop-off in the mornings so much easier.
You have grown and changed so much this last year. I look back at photos of you from this time last year and I can really see how your little baby face has changed. Now I look at you and just see this beautiful little girl. You are so smart, Madeline. You amaze me daily with the words you say and the things that you know. It is surreal to be able to have a full (sometimes pretty deep) conversation with you. I’ve always dreamed of having a little girl that I could have the kind of friendship with that I have with my mom, and it is such a cool thing to see that dream coming true right before my eyes. I love our little chats after school while we wait for dad to come home from work. Those are moments that I will always cherish.
To watch you play this year has been so much fun! Your imagination has really taken off. All of your Barbie dolls, all of your Shopkins, all of your stuffed animals and dolls, all of them have elaborate storylines that you act out each time you play. Some of the stories you come up with are pretty good too. You love to pretend that you are the momma and that mom and dad are the babies and you are taking care of us. This is one of your favorite little games to play. Well, that and you like to play doctor and give us all shots. That you think is pretty funny.
I will often catch you singing songs from Moana or Frozen while you are coloring or playing with your kitchen toys. You have such a sweet little voice. I love to listen to you sing. If I’m really lucky you will sing and dance too. You are such a good performer. You really are talented (and I swear I’m not just saying that because I’m your mom).
You are the most beautiful, talented, sweet, lovable, funny, intelligent, amazing, wonderful, all-around-perfect three year old I know, and I am so grateful that I get to be your momma.
Love you always,
How has it been three years already?
We had Madeline’s third birthday party today. It was Minnie Mouse theme. We played Pin the Bow on Minnie and had an Easter Egg Hunt outside for all the kiddos since Easter is next weekend. We had lots of bubbles and sidewalk chalk for everyone to play with and a few a Madeline’s outdoor games set out for everyone to run wild and play with as well.
This was the first year that Madeline invited her own friends. She was so excited to have her friends from preschool and dance class at her house. Her very special guests included: Kaelan, Acelyn, Ruby, Mary June, Esther, Phoebe, and her cousin Mason. We had a few more that sent gifts but weren’t able to come because of various reasons, but we certainly had a houseful with 8 little kids and most of their parents. It was fun to see Madeline play with all of her friends. She loved getting to show her friends her room and share all her toys. For an “only child” she sure does love to share.
Tomorrow she officially turns three and I still haven’t wrapped a single present…